To All of You Readers about Ask Amy: Numerous individuals have reached out to me on various platforms after I announced that I will no longer be writing my syndicated column. They thank me for my advise over the past twenty years and wish me well in my “retirement.” I am really moved and appreciative of this show of support.
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The problem is that I don’t consider myself to be retiring.
I’ve had a steady, dependable existence. Even the worst book will be read all the way through by me. I have never quit my job, a duty, or a relationship on my own volition.
(It’s very hard for me to leave a room!)
I am, however, abandoning my seven-day-a-week commitment because it is time and because I want to.
My goal is to move on and take on other, worthwhile projects.
I’ve had an intimate look into hundreds of lives writing this piece.
The realization I’ve had has motivated and enabled me to follow my own advice, act with authenticity, and, ultimately, take as much control of my life as I can.
Currently showing myself the door is a reflection of my good health, solid relationships, years of stable work, and some wise financial decisions. I realize how fortunate I am.
Imagining families reading these pieces together over the breakfast table and contributing their own perspectives before reading mine is my favorite way to visualize this work.
Indeed, there are still parents and grandparents who clip the newspaper, attach it to refrigerators and bathroom mirrors, or mail relevant articles to children attending summer camp or college.
I’ve been told by law enforcement, firemen, healthcare professionals, and office workers that they have conversations on the topics covered in the column in the break room.
Knowing that is wonderful, and I will miss our coffee dates.
In jails, ESL programs, memory care facilities, and middle schools, the questions posed here have been utilized as teaching tools. These are ideal settings for talking about moral conundrums involving real people.
I feel obligated to attempt to provide some parting advice on this final day of correspondence with you, but I have no new insights to share. All of the knowledge I possess has been extracted from knowledge gained elsewhere.
The famous quote from boxer Mike Tyson goes, “Everyone has a plan, until they get punched.” Punches are unavoidable. However, I think I’ve discovered some universal principles that might lessen the damage.
They are as follows:
Be there for others.
Treat yourself and other others with kindness.
Show kindness to others and acknowledge kindness when it is shown to you.
Hold off on using your worst judgment. Sit on your negative ideas about other individuals and think about the repercussions before you speak them.
Find someone or something to look after in order to be of help.
Look for original ways to communicate your emotions.
Recognize your shortcomings and make a commitment to improving.
Beg for pardon.
Strive to avoid letting the worst things that have happened to you define who you are.
Acknowledge your blessings, no matter how minor, and show your thanks.
Treat dental hygienists, wait staff, receptionists, and anybody else who must physically contact or assist you in the course of their work with kindness.
Recognize that giving up is sometimes a necessary decision.
Take some time to enjoy the outdoors.
Determine, grow, or investigate your core moral and/or spiritual convictions.
Acknowledge and release yourself from the urge to manipulate other people.
Observe others’ and your own boundaries.
Consult with those who possess greater wisdom than yourself. Listen to them and ask for guidance.
Occasionally, I provide “scripts” to individuals who seek my advice on what to say, so I thought I would condense them into a few of the most crucial points I think anyone can make.
They are as follows:
I require assistance.
I apologize.
I absolve you.
I adore you in your current state.
I support you.
You’re secure.
You’re not by yourself.
I hope you’ll watch the closing credits of my movie as it draws to a close.
Many thanks to my friends and colleagues in Chicago, especially editors Mary Elson, Bill O’Connell, and Carrie Williams; Jim Warren, who found me; Ann Marie Lipinski, who recruited me; and Steve Mandell, who represented me. I am grateful that “Gentleman Jack” Barry helped to ease my departure.
And a particular thanks to Tracy Clark, a gifted author who has spent many years correcting my poor language and way of thinking.
Lastly, I would like to express my appreciation to my devoted readers who may be reached via my newsletter and on social media.
Ask Amy Ownward
(You can write to Ask Amy at P.O. Box 194, Freeville, NY 13068, or email her at askamy@amydickinson.com. You may also follow her on Facebook or Twitter (@askingamy.)
